The Fighting Warrior
by Miss Kafu
Summary: When Mukotsu is down on his luck, the rest of the Shichinintai is there to help him find the perfect woman. [Parody of FMA's The Flame Alchemist]


This is a parody of the first part of the Fullmetal Alchemist episode "The Flame Alchemist". I do not own the Shichinintai, though Kyoukotsu's little sister is my own little character!

This is my very first fanfic, and I'm only 14 years old, so no flames. 'Kay?

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"Hey, you guys! Check this out!" Jakotsu cheerfully yelled as he ran up to his fellow band members – minus Bankotsu.

"What's that you've got there, Jakotsu?" Suikotsu asked.

Jakotsu held out the scroll in his hand. "It's Bankotsu's surveillance log!"

"...You've been spying on Bankotsu?" inquired Renkotsu.

"Yup! It's fun, really. I was just wondering if any of you wanted to help me."

Kyoukotsu took the scroll out of Jakotsu's hand and started reading. " _'Three hours before sunrise, Bankotsu went to the nearby river to clean his Banryuu. He came back to camp an hour after sunrise and played with my makeup until we started to wake up.' _Ooh, does he do that every morning?"

"Basically, yeah. So, you guys in or what?" The rest of the members exchanged glances before nodding to Jakotsu.

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_"Three hours before sunrise: As usual, Bankotsu went to a river to polish his Banryuu. When a butterfly flew by, he grabbed it by the wings, drowned it in the river and poked it with a sharp stick, all the while laughing maniacally."_

_"One hour after sunrise: Bankotsu took Jakotsu's makeup and tried several different looks. When Ginkotsu's arm twitched, Bankotsu's arm jerked and he got rouge all over himself."_

_"Four hours before noon: We came into a small village near the ocean. Bankotsu reserved rooms for us at the inn and went to see the ocean."_

_"One hour after noon: Bankotsu came into the inn with a note in his hand. It appears to be an invitation to a rendezvous since there were hearts hastily drawn everywhere."_

_"Three hours after sunset: Bankotsu left the inn, telling us that he wanted to check the forest for demons. Judging by his face, though, I think he has a date."_

_"Four hours after sunset: Bankotsu was seen at a festival with the flower girl across from our inn."_

"Wait a minute!" Mukotsu exclaimed. "Not my Mizumi! No! I just thought she was playing hard to get with me!"

"Well, she obviously can't be that hard to get, considering that she's seeing two guys," Suikotsu pointed out.

Mukotsu ripped Bankotsu's surveillance log into confetti. He then spent the next half hour running around his room like the maniac he is while Jakotsu frantically tried to piece the scroll back together.

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"Hey, anyone know what's up with Mukotsu?" Ginkotsu casually asked his present band members. Jakotsu had gone to find some surviving men, Kyoukotsu had probably found a couple demons to feast on and Mukotsu was sulking somewhere far away. The rest of the Shichinintai were resting in a clearing near the village (which they had destroyed the day before).

"He's been sulking for several days now," Renkotsu replied.

"I bet he got dumped again," Bankotsu added casually.

"You know, I'm sure he's just having trouble finding a nice lady who'll stay with him," said Suikotsu.

"Dang, we can't have him like this forever!" exclaimed Bankotsu.

"That's true," Renkotsu added. "This will definetely affect his fighting."

"Hey, does anybody know what kind of girls he likes?"

"Practically any beautiful woman," Suikotsu muttered.

"Anything more specific?"

"I was drinking with him the other day," said Renkotsu. "He said that he wanted a cute, funny girl with with a good personality."

"Suikotsu!"

"Hai, aniki!"

"Find a cute, funny girl with a good personality. Then introduce her to Mukotsu."

"...Alright, aniki."

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"What am I going to do?" Suikotsu asked himself. He absently walked through the burned down village, as if hoping that a cute, funny girl with a good personality would pop out from under the debris.

"What are you going to do about what?" Suikotsu stopped and looked up to see Jakotsu, covered in blood and male genitals. _Eww._

"I need to find a cute, funny girl with a good personality. Do you know where to find one?"

"Ehh?! Why the hell would you want to find a _girl?!_"

"Bankotsu ordered me to find one for Mukotsu."

"Oh. So he's still upset about that flower girl."

Suddenly, Kyoukotsu appeared from out of nowhere, exclaiming, "I've got an EXCELLENT idea!"

"K-Kyoukotsu?!" stuttered Suikotsu.

"I have a charming little sister who matches your description PERFECTLY! And as a matter of fact, she lives right up the hill!"

"...Alright. Let's introduce her to Mukotsu tomorrow."

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"I don't know about this..." Mukotsu stood before Kyoukotsu's sister's gi-normous mansion. He turned away from the great castle-like house. "I-I'm going home..."

"No you're not!" Suikotsu's arm appeared and made him turn around to face the mansion once again. "This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!"

"According to Kyoukotsu," Bankotsu said, "she's a real beauty, but she can't find a boyfriend because she's shy. Jakotsu already met her. Apparently she's as pretty as him."

"...She looks like Jakotsu?" Mukotsu tried to imagine his probable to-be girlfriend. He saw a giant Kyoukotsu look-alike, but with long black hair and a face like Jakotsu's. It was _not_ a pretty sight. But before Mukotsu could set a smoke bomb and run for his life, Kyoukotsu himself appeared at the doors and hugged the little poison master to his chest. When Mukotsu looked back, Bankotsu and Suikotsu were gone.

"Come in, Mumu-chan! My little sister can't wait to meet you!"

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Mukotsu found himself in a big dining room, sitting across the table from Kyoukotsu's father. He was a rather stout man no taller than Mukotsu himself, yet so fat that his robes barely fit around his stomach. The old man was telling some story about their family, but it was so boring that Mukotsu's mind started to wander. That's when the mother appeared.

"Oh dear, I hope you're not boring our dear guest?" Kyoukotsu's mother seemed normal, to Mukotsu's relief. But things aren't always the way they seem.

The woman seemed to get about a foot taller with each step she took. When she reached Kyoukotsu's side, Mukotsu could see that she was even taller than her son! That wasn't normal! That wasn't normal at all!

_'Okay, think about it. If the father is large --err, horizontally, and the mother is large vertically, it's only logical that they would have a son looking like Kyoukotsu. Which means the daughter must look...erm...' _The image of the Kyoukotsu-and-Jakotsu-look-alike running through a field of flowers popped into Mukotsu's head. _'No, that can't be it. Some traits are more dominant than others, so there's the possibility that if you cross a tomato with a potato, it could resemble a tomato more, or vice versa!'_

"Oh, here she comes," said Kyoukotsu. "My dear baby sister!"

Mukotsu's heart started beating faster and faster. Which would she be? Would she be a tomato? Or would she be a potato? Either way, she'd be a monster, but _pleeease_ may she be a potato! He'd rather date a tall woman, not a fat one!

"Umm... hello," came a soft voice. Mukotsu turned around to come face to face with Kyoukotsu's _adorable_ little sister, who possesed _neither _of her parents' physical traits!

She wasn't a monster. She wasn't a monster at all! As a matter of fact, she was very beautiful. Her dark hair went past her waist, her breasts were the size of watermelons and she had the warmest eyes he had ever seen! It must have been love at first sight! Where did Jakotsu get the idea that she looked anything like him?

"Doesn't Kasumi look _exactly _like me?" Kyoukotsu asked.

"IN WHAT WAY?!"

"The eyelashes, of course!"

Mukotsu, looking closer, had to agree that they did have identical eyelashes.

"What do you like to do, Kasumi?" Mukotsu asked.

"Umm...well...I like playing with demons..."

_'She's adorable! She can't be Kyoukotsu's sister!'_

"I mean...what I meant was...I like eating demons."

_'Okay, so I guess she is his sister after all!'_

"Kasumi, it would be my honour to take you out to dinner!"

"Oh...but..."

_'But? But what?'_

"I'm sorry...but...I only like muscular men...like my brother."

Mukotsu felt like someone had stabbed him through the head.

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"I bet 1000 yen that he'll screw up!" shouted Suikotsu.

"I bet 1000 yen that he'll get turned down!" shouted Renkotsu.

"I bet 1000 yen that the entire thing will get cancelled!" shouted Jakotsu.

"That's not a real bet, then," Bankotsu stated. "You're all betting against him."

"Exactly!" the trio shouted in unison.

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Well? How'd you like it? Anyways, review plz!


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